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Saturday, July 31, 2010

When Daddy Died

Yesterday, at approximately 11:30 I got the call that my father was gone. He had a terrible toothache that turned out to be throat cancer. He was treated and underwent a terrible round of radiation. When he returned to the doctor, the cancer was gone. Unfortunately, it wasn't. They found it later, stage 4 in his lungs and his bones. Dad lived only a few weeks after that.

Daddy and me (circ. 1972)
I tell you this...there is nothing more painful, nothing in this world harder than watching and waiting for someone to inevitably pass away. And, as a Christian, there is the inherent guilt that comes from feeling so grief stricken. How can I possibly be a testimony for Christ if it seems that my faith has been shaken like that? The thought comes to me that I should have joy, because my father is going Home to be with the Lord. And here I am dealing with the troubles of the world. But I don't feel like that. I feel horrible that God called him home and I "think" I still need my daddy here. I need to be able to call him and talk to him and tell him about my day and my ideas. I need him to be my fan club like he has been.

I've had wise counsel remind me that the bible says that there is a time for mourning (Eccles. 3:4) and that weeping may last for a night but joy comes in the morning (Ps. 30:5). It's normal, it's natural. It's part of being human...right? And it doesn't mean I'm any less faithful to God. Not at all.

When I got off the phone yesterday I got on my knees and told God "okay" and then I went outside and told my daddy goodbye.

(I wanted to give credit for the lyrics for this song but I couldn't find who wrote it, if you know, please forward that information to me so I can make the appropriate notation)

SOMEBODY PRAYED FOR ME

When my heart was so broken
That I could not pray
When Love wasnt easy to see
Someone was there
Somebody cared
Somebody prayed for me

Somebody went to the Throne of heaven
Somebody lifted my name
Bringing me in to his holy presence
Saying what I couldnt say
Somebody showed me the face of his mercy

When darkness was all I could see
Somebody pleaded the blood of Jesus
Somebody prayed for me

When the Future looked Hopeless
And I’d given up
When I had lost sight of my dreams
Somebody near
Dried every tear
Somebody prayed for me

Somebody went to the Throne of heaven
Somebody lifted my name
Bringing me in to his holy presence
Saying what I couldnt say

Somebody showed me the face of his mercy
When darkness was all I could see
Somebody pleaded the blood of Jesus
Somebody prayed for me

3 comments:

  1. O Dear Heart, I am so so sorry for your loss.My deepest condolences to you and your family. I pray the pain eases for you. Please be kind to yourself,
    take time for yourself.

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  2. Oh, girl. Sorry. My best friend died June 15th (one day before her 62nd birthday) of pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed in July of '09. It was a hard road to watch her go through the process, but a priviledge to walk with her. I don't think either of us should feel guilty for hurting over the loss. Yes, I know she is singing and dancing with God right now. Yes, I know I will see her again. But, dang it, this isn't the way it's supposed to be! Death is an abomination to us, repulsive, not what we were created for... But, praise God, He sent His Son to defeat Death and make it ultimately powerless over those who believe in Him.

    I know you know all this, but I also know I still need to hear the Gospel daily myself. Blessings and smiles and peace and joy to you! B.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I understand the helplessness of watching and basically just waiting for a loved one to pass on. It is heart-wrenching for us, but oh...SO joyous for them! No words can really ease the pain you feel right now...only time and the remembrance that God your Father loves you and has you in the palm of His hand. Big hugs and much love to you, sweet sister.

    ReplyDelete