A Hungry Man

Children, the house, church, work...we certainly get bogged down as women. We have a lot to do. We are responsible for the lives of many people. I don't know about you, but sometimes everything is just so overwhelming that I just want to scream. But so what, right? It is what it is. We get up early, we stay up late and most of the time it feels like a terribly thankless job. But we love our children, we are proud of the homes we keep, we are proud of ourselves and all the many things that we can manage. We dote on ourselves as the nurse, cook, housekeeper, therapist, accountant, manager, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, at some point in all that doing we forget about the man that steals the covers and leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor. We may even start to resent him. He makes more work for us. He doesn't help the way we want him to. He doesn't follow directions. We start treating him like one of the kids, spouting out orders and commands. And when he doesn't obey we punish him. We neglect him. We stop feeding him. He begs to eat but we put the kids, housework, chores, and to-do lists on his plate and as he starves to death we shake our head as we proclaim, "I'm tired!"

Ladies! Stop. A hungry man feeds himself. 

Have you ever gone away for a day or two and left your husband to fend for himself and the kids? When you returned did you find that in your absence he and the kids ate healthy, home cooked meals with lots of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, milk, juice and plenty of water? Probably not. You shook your head as you looked in the freezer at the untouched meals you left for them or the fast food bags crumpled in a heap in the trash can. It's not that he didn't want to eat a healthy meal. It's not that he doesn't know what's good for him. But he kind of counts on you. He's looking for you to feed him. It's not rebellion, he's certainly capable, but God created him in a way that he looks to you to make sure he stays full.

But it's more than that, isn't it? It really isn't necessarily about nutrition, though in your house that may be part of the equation but what it really is about is contentment. Let's take a moment to look at ourselves...

We all start out with an empty plate. We are hungry. As babies we cried to be fed and in some aspects, as adult women we cry to be fed as well. Who will feed us? We may feed ourselves by pampering ourselves, getting our nails done, taking a long bubble bath, relaxing and reading a magazine. The activities that take care of us feed us, they fill us up. They make us content. Then our friends feed us with some girl time. We laugh and connect and understand each other. They feed us with encouragement and compliments, they feed us by empathizing with our struggles and comforting us. They feed us with their support. Our kids feed us with smiles and laughter and kisses and hugs with little hands and fingers wrapped around our hands. They fill us up with "Mommy you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world," "Mommy, I love you," and "Can I sit with you, Mommy?" Our jobs fill us up with feelings of competence and accomplishment. And certainly God fills us up as we spend time in prayer and meditation, as we read and study the bible, we are filled as we attend church services and bible studies. The spiritual woman is fed. 

And full, we move through the days of our lives returning to the "fridge" for what we need, when we need it.

What about our husbands? You may look at the list above and think, why can't he just get full the way I do. I don't need him to feed me, why do I need to feed him. He has friends, he has a job, the kids are his too, and they adore him. For him, though, it's not that simple. Men have different hunger pains. There hunger is bigger. They have manly appetites and need heavy meals of meat and potatoes. So now you're thinking, great, something else on my list of things to do. Like I can take on one more task. But honestly, you can't afford not to. If you don't, then he's left to fend for himself. He becomes resentful and angry. He doesn't want to sit in another drive-thru line. He doesn't want another meal wrapped in paper. He wants a hot meal on real dishes, and he wants you to give it to him.

Now you may equate this with being motherly. Your children, of course, get a great amount of their feeding from you. This has been your job since they were itty-bitty in a bassinet next to your bed. They cried and you fed them every need that they had. They were never hungry long. You made sure of it. Now here is this grown man, crying like a baby and he expects you to drop everything to feed him. Even the kids don't need to be fed like that anymore. But this isn't a motherly task. This is a womanly task. The task is that of a wife who, taken by a husband, wants to please him. 

Proverbs 31:11-12 AMP (you knew it was coming) says, "The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her." That scripture is the guideline, I'll give you that as many women have told me that the Proverbs 31 woman isn't a real woman, or she isn't one woman alone, and that she's simply an outline, so to speak, so I'll save that discussion for another time we will just suffice to say this is a guideline. Inasmuch, the scripture says that he relies on her. He relies on her for what? Take your mind off your husband for a moment and imagine this scripture referred to mothers and their children. Now the scripture is clear.  The heart of her son trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. The scripture becomes one that is tasteful to you now even if it was distasteful before. It also becomes very plain. The mother meets the needs of the child. He doesn't go looking for other mommies to give him lunch or fix his boo-boos, or snuggle with him on the couch. His mommy, the one God gave him, meets all his needs and is enough. It's the same with our husbands.

A friend of mine said that when he was young he played football. During the games he would look to the stands for his mother. He looked for her approval, encouragement, support, and love. She was always there. With bells on (literally---a story for another day) and she met his needs. She fed him. He had no need of dishonest spoil. He didn't need the encouragement of anyone else because his mom was there. As an adult with a wife, he looks to her now for encouragement, the smiling face in the crowd. He seeks her out among the many. He wants to be fed by her. It is his strength.

That's the way God laid it out. That's the way it is supposed to be. So as wives we come into the relationship with one very important task. We don't let our husbands starve. We don't allow them to be hungry. If there is no food at home, eventually our husbands must go out and find food. He doesn't want to eat on paper plates with disposable forks, he wants to eat at home. It's the wives responsibility to fill her husband's plate with all that he needs. Even when we are tired we feed our children when they are hungry. We don't make them suffer hunger pains. Likewise, no matter how tired we are, we need to feed our husbands. They suffer longer than the babies do before they cry out, but just like the babies, they always let you know they are hungry. Keep in mind, the waiting feels like eternity to them. 

I know you're thinking, what about me? When do I get to eat? Well, ladies, this isn't about us, but if we must...we have a different appetite than our husbands. We are fed in some of the same ways and in many different ways, but our husband's want to feed us. They want to be the source of our satisfaction. When we start to make them feel like we value them, we appreciate them and that they do many things that please us they will be sure that we are fed. Open your mouth and tell him what you are hungry for. He probably doesn't know, he may even think he doesn't have what you would like. But a closed mouth doesn't get fed. The bottom line is this, do you want to do what the Bible tells you to do or do you want to stand on your own convictions? Of course, you may. You can do whatever fancies you. But the Bible is clear about the wife's responsibility to her husband. 

It's a mind set. It's a heart set. Feeding your husband is an action that you decide to take. They don't stop eating just because there's no food at home. So make the decision. Make the Proverbs 31 choice. Once you have decided in your mind and heart that your husband will not be a hungry man, start preparing his meals. You can even refer to the fun chart below for your meal planning.

Preparing a Balanced Diet for the Hungry Man:

Grains	Make you feel full, lots of energy, turns to sugar	Sex (Regularly and on request)	One on one bedroom time, lots of intimacy results in lots of sweet moments for you both
Fruits and Vegetables	Variety, lots of vitamins, delicious with few calories, eat freely	Compliments (Daily and liberally)	Let him know how he completes you and all the reasons you said “yes”
Oils, Fats, Sugar and Salts	Use sparingly, too many can jeopardize overall health and wellness	Criticisms (Sparingly)	Sometimes you have to just do it gently and try not to make it a habit
Milk and Dairy	Builds healthy bone structure, Vitamins	Encouragement (Liberally)	On this he can go out and conquer the world
Lean Meats, Fish, Poultry, Beans and Seeds	Full of protein, iron and are the building blocks of the body	Communication (Continually)	Let him know what’s on your mind and in your heart. Share your hopes and dreams and together you will build a strong relationship that will withstand many trials.