Monday, July 20, 2015
What I Learned This Week: Something About Tolerance
It is a crazy change of character. It's a morphing of who I was into a wiser version of myself; someone who has a longer fuse and takes the time to ponder before speaking. Not that I have become less "assertive" but I have learned to add the dimension of strategic thought process to my assertiveness. I measure things now with a large, clear measuring cup. It has a handle so that my hands don't get in the way of the numbers. I look through the glass and gauge the level. Sometimes I pour into the glass with myself already occupying the space, watching the addition of any other substance spilling over the sides. Other times I pour freely from a large pitcher until I reach the top, holding steady, as not to spill even a drop. I believe this has been interpreted to be tolerance. Tight lipped I don't speak right away giving people pause to believe that I am in agreement with whatever silly nonsense has been breathed into the atmosphere. Nothing could be farther from the truth. My reality is that this "tolerance" is actually the time that I take, and the resulting less-reactive me.
There are so many things that, once I stopped running my mouth, with both fists in the air, and anti-whatever shirt on my back, I realized are better dealt with, with all the facts in tact. It is only then that I am able to surmise those things that are truly worth the rise in blood pressure and the impending migraine. It is then that I can form words and sentences that matter, encourage thought and provoke change and that I can keep my focus on what's truly important without the distraction of my own breathing.
I do know, however, that there is some danger in the assumptions about my tolerance. The silence you want to share with me invites you to come close where you might find that I whisper things to myself and my thoughts are loud. It is the place where my opinions dwell and my beliefs wriggle between my fingers and toes. When you come close you may find that I'm much more opinionated than you imagined. You will also learn that you are much more important to me than the tolerance that you think I exhibit.